Counselor’s Corner

As We Approach the End of the School Year…

Christine Garcia, C.A.G.S., LMHC, NCSP

Blanchard School Psychologist

          It is hard to believe it is already May!  The birds are chirping, the flowers are blooming, and the grass is getting greener with every passing day.  Many of us are enjoying the great outdoors…watching our kids play on the playground or participate in sports, barbequing with family and friends, bike riding, gardening, and anticipating that first hot, sunny day in June that marks the beginning of New England’s most laid back season.  It is a wonderful time of year and one that many look forward to after being inside all winter.  However, for some, this spring will not bring all the joy and happiness that many of us experience.  This spring, New England is a bit more subdued.  For this spring, the area we all love will be reflecting on the losses that have been incurred over the past four months.

 

          The tragedy of Sandy Hook is still burning in people’s minds, as they try to make sense of how it was possible that so many elementary school children and beloved staff lost their lives on December 14, 2012.  This particularly hit home to our small school, as the air view of Sandy Hook could have easily been mistaken for the Blanchard School.  Then, on Monday, April 15, 2013 tragedy struck again…a bombing occurred at the Boston Marathon, again taking the lives of three innocent people while injuring many others.  And if that was not bad enough, more fear was instilled, as the suspects went on the run, killing more and putting our great city in lockdown.  While cheers were heard from miles away when the final suspect was caught, more information continues to come out about the bombings, as we are privy to it everyday through our media.  When we stop and reflect on the last four months in our area of this country alone, then add on a lagging economy and high-achieving atmosphere, it is no wonder why schools are seeing a significant increase in mental health crises among students.  So where does that leave us?  How do we, the parents and teachers of these young children…children who are trying to make sense of so much that is nonsensical… help them? That is the question we are all trying to answer.

 

          As the School Psychologist at Blanchard who solely deals with completing psychological evaluations, I have been astounded by the increase in mental health referrals this school year.  At this level, such difficulties have presented first as struggles with executive functioning, which refers to a set of cognitive abilities that control and regulate other behaviors (i.e., planning, problem-solving, rule following, flexibility).  This means that children who have problems following directions with multiple steps are likely to become frustrated and anxious, which ultimately may impact not only their school work, but their interactions with others.  In more severe cases, aggressive behavior, insubordination, school phobia, peer ridiculing, and depressive symptomology have been noted.  What is crucial to keep in mind is that often times, these behaviors appear in the school setting first before ever reaching home. 
 
      As a school system and as parents, we have all worked hard to ensure the safety of all of our students.  Nonetheless, the demand for high achievement, along with social acceptance, continues to thrive.  In addition, many of our students feel over scheduled and long for a chance to just to take a break and breath.  This brings us back to the essential question…how can we help our children?

The first and most pertinent way to help your youngster is to be honest with them.  Our school varies in age and thus, you must keep in mind the cognitive level in which your child can process information.  For example, a kindergarten student can not handle the details in which a sixth grader can.  Nonetheless, they are all in an environment, be it home through media or school with other children, in which tragedies are openly discussed.  The obvious solution for parents is to talk to their child first and then limit as much media exposure as possible when tragedies do occur.

 

          Second, if you notice your child does not appear to be themselves, sit down and talk with your child to see if anything may be happening in their world in which they are feeling anxious, stressed, and/or overwhelmed.  We as parents often underestimate how important it is to give our children our full attention for 5-10 minutes out of the day.  This can be as simple as talking to them in the car, at bedtime, or during meals.  You will be surprised at how much your children will share with you if they feel you are listening.  If that doesn’t work, journal writing between you and your child can often be an extremely effective mode in learning your child’s feelings.

 Finally, as parents and educational professionals, we often times want to rush in and ‘fix things’ for our children.  We have become a ‘helicopter’ society.  A society that does not encourage individualism, creativity, or the acceptance of mistakes that allows for learning.  By ‘doing’ for our children in so many ways, we are setting them up for failure as adults.….adults who won’t understand how to make a mistake without self-criticism; adults who will expect things to be given to them instead of working hard for them; or adults who can’t find jobs because their creativity was stunted by too much help from the people who cared the most about them. 

To end, the best thing we can do for our children is allow them to feel the ‘social growing pains’ of life.  Help them learn coping skills to deal when faced with lives adversities.  Help them feel confident through listening to them and encouraging them to believe in their ideas…to lead and not follow.  Tell them that it is absolutely normal to feel angry and sad at times, but it’s what they do with those feelings that count.  Teach them to live in the moment…..smell the flowers, look at the trees blooming, listen to rain, looks at the colors in the sky, and enjoy their snow day, even if it is an imposition to us.  An old friend once said to me, “The past is history; the future is a mystery; now is a gift, that is why it is called the present.”  Enjoy each day with your children to the fullest.  Be present in their lives and listen to them.  For many of those who have lost loved ones this year, that is not possible.  What they wouldn’t do to be in your shoes again.

Note:  Please consult with a professional should you or others around you notice a dramatic change in your child’s social/emotional functioning.  If you are unsure of who to call, please contact the School Psychologist, Guidance Counselor or your pediatrician for support and resources.